Monday, July 27, 2015

The Swimsuit No

This is the story about a swimsuit.

One that doesn't exist.

Because God keeps saying no.

(It also has nothing to do with those cute girls up there, but I just like them, and they're in swimsuits, so they get to have a picture in this post.)

So here's the thing. I went through all my clothes when we moved into our home in March, and I got rid of quite a bit. Some went in our garage sale, and some went to Goodwill. Included in that list were swimsuits. I said goodbye to all but two of my swimsuits. 

So these two swimsuits I've had for quite some years. One of them since at least college (5+ years ago), and possibly high school (9+ years ago). So yeah, um, really long. The other one for at least 3 years, but I think more.

This is how my mind (logic) works:
I sold some swimsuits +
I haven't bought one in a while =
I can buy a new one.

So I've been looking on website and in stores for several months. I've tried a few on. But God keeps saying no.

You might be wondering what that means. Sometimes I hear other people say "God said no," and I wonder what that means. Here's how God says no to me:
1. I don't find any swimsuits I like. That's an easy one. If I don't like any, why would I buy one.
2. I hate the one I try on. Or at least I really don't like it that much. That's pretty easy too. I don't want to spend a ton of money on one I don't love.
3. My size is sold out. Ugh.
4. We just spent a chunk of money on another thing, so I don't feel right about spending more on a swimsuit. 
5. I find one I really like but it costs over $60. I just can't justify it. At least, I haven't been able to yet. 
6. I simply don't have peace. It doesn't feel right.

But THEN, it happened. I've been eyeing this swimsuit:

It's so cute, and it fits the modest description I've been looking for. AND it went on sale. 40% off! Originally it's $84, which is definitely out of my budget, but $51 is much more doable... particularly for a swimsuit that I would have for years (obviously- look at my swimsuit ownership track record!) So I was GOING TO DO IT. I was super excited. But when I went to order, I got all tied up on which size to get, as my body measurements are all over that chart (ugh, body measurements!). So I emailed the company, and decided if I got an email back, then I would probably still get it, but if not, I wouldn't (I only had 24 hours to get a response in order to get the sale price). I honestly expected to get an email back right away. But I didn't. So I didn't order one. And the sale ended an hour ago. So I'm not getting it.

Getting a new swimsuit is still a no.

This all might seem a bit dramatic over a swimsuit. Sometimes it does to me too. But here's the thing. I'm learning to listen intensely to the Holy Spirit speaking to me, and I know that this area matters to Him just as much as whether or not we should buy a certain home or move overseas. We're trying to be more cautious about how we spend our money so we can be available to help our missionary friends, and we know sometimes this means sacrifice.

Isn't that quote just simply good? Sometimes God doesn't say no to "upgrading." He has allowed us to upgrade our home, to upgrade some of our clothes, to upgrade technology. Sometimes he says yes to our materialistic desires. But I want to be sensitive to His leading rather than to just always listen to my logic. I want to trust that I don't really need a new swimsuit. And maybe later on He'll say yes. But for now, I can be content with the no because we have uses for our money that matter far more than a new swimsuit. And if God is saying no, it's because He has a better plan for that money. 

And maybe because He has a really cheap, adorable, modest swimsuit in mind that just hasn't crossed my radar yet.

A girl can dream.

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